The Fulton School
I can’t believe it is already going into week three! My mom told me that there are only 48 days until graduation, which is crazy to think about! Anyways, here is what my week will look like ahead and then also just some feelings about the project so far in general. So, Tuesday I have museum babies and then the rest of the afternoon we will all get to hear a talk from a graduate student, Joe Thurman, on Black Missourians in STEM. Wednesday, I will be in the kids’ clubhouse again for the parent and me event, then I have another training presentation by the same person who did the LGBTQ conversations on handling tough conversations. Thursday I will be at the Key Bistro, then either at the front desk greeting or surveying people, and then helping out with the night program. Friday, I have a short day and get off at 2:00, but that is History Exploration Day for kids and school groups, so I will be helping out with that. And then I am also working Saturday for history exploration day and then later that night for the Threads Gala, which I am soooo excited for! Basically, they have 10 fashion designers from St. Louis create a fashion piece based on a historical clothing item from the collection, there’s a fashion show, dinner, auctions, and speakers that night. Normally it costs $250, but employees get to go for free. The theme for the event is “BOLD” so wear anything bold in color, pattern, or silhouette. I am going to wear this sparkly black / gray ish jumpsuit, short white go-go boots, and then I am gonna do sparkly blue eyeshadow with white eyeliner and blue mascara and a red lip. I am going to also try to feather my hair, but we will see if it works or not!
Overall, I have loved being on my senior project. I was telling my mom that it honestly doesn’t feel real that I am working there. It makes me feel so adult and sometimes I’m like “wow, this isn’t actually my job. I’m not actually 22, I’m 17 and I haven’t even graduated yet.” It’s crazy to think about and it almost just feels like I have been dreaming and that I am just sleepwalking through life, but I’m not and it’s very real, and I am really so lucky to get this opportunity. I also thought that since I am 17, I would get a lot of people, not a lot, but some, who would be like, “Oh, do you even know what you’re talking about?!” but not a single person has done that. Everyone has treated me like an actual adult with a ton of respect and kindness. And I think a lot of people thought that I was out of highschool and just working there, LOL and when I said I was still in highschool they were like “WHAT?!”
It’s also been cool just meeting new people and having a completely fresh start. I think it’s cool that at TFS we have all known each other so well and for so long, but at the same time, it’s nice to go somewhere, where no one has any past judgments about you and you just get a fresh start. And it feels really good to feel well liked there for just being me, too. I kind of got a feeling that a few people found me annoying, too much, and just didn’t like me for my “new personality” when really my true personality was just showing through. It definitely hurt to be kind of squashed down, told to change, and just called some pretty nasty things like a liar and to have my character called into question, when I know exactly who I am and have been for the past four years of highschool, for the past almost two decades at TFS, by people who know who I am as well. All I know is that I never want to make a person feel like they need to suppress who they really are to fit into some standard mold. It’s one thing to be told to be quieter and tone down some stuff (which I agree with, there were times I was really loud and disruptive) but to be called things like a liar, rude, a bad person, and weak is awful to hear when you know you aren’t those things. I know for a fact if there ever was a behavioral issue with anyone at the History Museum they would never say those things and handle it very professionally, but also with humanity, courtesy, and compassion. And that is the kind of environment I want to be in.
I guess all I can say is it feels good to feel liked, accepted, and wanted, and really when it comes down to it that’s all people really want in life, and that’s why we try to get ourselves to fit to these objective molds that someone (probably an old, rich, white dude, let’s be honest) puts on us. It’s just stupid. So, to be accepted, liked, and wanted for who you truly are and to be able to happily coexist with other true individuals who are their complete selves feels just really amazing. And all I have to say for those little rascals (not the cute little kids) who try to crush your spirit and tear you down is that they do that because they see you being yourself, and they are probably insecure of themselves, so to make themselves feel better they try to make another feel how they feel on the inside, but it doesn’t make them feel any better, it just makes them feel worse, and then they think the answer is to continue berating people. If you want to feel good about yourself, then lift someone else up (Joe had this engraved on a dog tag necklace for one of his senior gifts from our parents and I want to do the same, but with a different quote). Tearing someone down is never the answer.
I think that Maya Angelou quote is true, (if any of you don’t know Maya Angelou, I may sue someone, and Ruthie and Maddy are basically lawyers now, so….), but it’s the one where she’s like, “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel,” is exactly true. I am not gonna forget the few people who made me feel awful about myself and tried to chain me down. It could only be one person who does this to you in your life, but you will never forget it because it will have a huge impact on you and your thought process for the rest of your life. But I am also never going to forget the many people who have lifted me up in the TFS community and beyond. And from both of those lessons, the good and the bad, I know that I never want to make someone feel that they need to hide or suppress their true selves. I want everyone I encounter to feel confident in showing me their true selves and giving me their honest opinions because that is what I want to give to people as well. Sorry to get all “kumbaya,” sappy, philosophical on you with this one, but it’s just been on my mind since the first week and I thought it was worth sharing.
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